Mental health and suicide awareness have always been important causes to me. But, becoming a new mom has given new meaning to how precious life is — considering now I know, firsthand, what goes into bringing a new life into the world.
Before, I never really thought about what my mom went through to have me. First, there's trying to get pregnant, which is easier for some than others. For my mom, she was in her 40s when she had me, so she knew there was a possibility she wouldn't get pregnant before menopause hit. But then, after about six months of trying, the two pink lines appeared on her pregnancy test.
Then, she had to go through nine months of pregnancy and, of course, labor —which my mom did without an epidural — to deliver me. Then, all the dirty diapers, the hours of breastfeeding, and the nights spent lying on the floor, holding my hand through the crib's bars, because that was the only way I'd fall asleep.
So, I can't imagine how my mom felt when I struggled with depression as a teenager and told her, "I want to die." Thinking about it as a mother now, I don't want to imagine my son ever saying anything like that to me someday. But, when I was in the middle of my suicidal ideations, I failed to realize the preciousness of my own life and everything my mom went through to bring me into it.
I know, when everything hurts so bad that death feels like the only way out, you're not thinking logically. But, if you ever find yourself in that situation, I hope you'll remember this: Your life is precious, and it took a lot for you to be here. Even if your birth story is less than ideal, so many circumstantial events had to happen, exactly as they did, for you to exist.
If you trace it back, there had to be two parents, four grandparents, eight great-grandparents, 16 great-great-grandparents, 32 great-great-great grandparents and so on for you to exist. Then there's the choices each of them made in order to meet and have a kid (or decide to become a surrogate/sperm donor/whatever the case may be).
For my parents, they were introduced by my mom's ex-sister-in-law, whose husband worked with my dad. It's weird to think, if my mom hadn't met her ex-husband and gone through that painful experience, she never would have met my dad and I wouldn't be here today. And, for me, if my husband didn't wait the six months it took me to finally agree to go on a date with him (sorry, babe!), my son Dean wouldn't be here either.
On top of that — not to be all sex-ed on you — but, when you were created, out of millions of sperm, only one could fertilize that specific egg. The odds of that exact combination happening, the one that created you, are astronomically small. It's a once-in-a-universe event.
So, if ever you feel like your life doesn't matter, remember that YOU are a once-in-universe event! The fact that you are here, at this very moment, is nothing short of a miracle, when you think about it. And because our existence is so improbable and precious, we owe it to ourselves, and those who came before us, to cherish and protect our lives and the lives of others.
Each life has an impact on others, even if you don't realize it. What you do with this life, that's up to you — but no matter what you do, I hope you choose to keep living. Even when things feel hopeless, the future holds possibilities you can't imagine. You are meant to be here; you are meant to live.
If you or someone you know is considering suicide, please call the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline. You can also text HOME to the Crisis Text Line at 741741 to connect with a trained volunteer crisis counselor. You don't have to do this alone.
Mental health and suicide awareness have always been important causes to me. But, becoming a new mom has given new meaning to how precious l...
