'Love is being yourself'

I never truly knew what being "in love" was.

Until now -- when, oddly enough, for the first time in my life, I'm falling out of love.

Okay, don't make fun of me, but I'm going to use a movie quote to describe what I have realized that love is (actually, two movie quotes).

The first is from the movie "What's Your Number," when Anna Faris' character says, "Being in love means being yourself." 

The second is from "The Wedding Singer," when Ellen Albertini Dow, who plays Adam Sandler's grandma, says, "You'll know when you meet the right girl because it's not how you feel about her, it's how she makes you feel about yourself."

I had watched both of these movies dozens of times and never understood these quotes. "Isn't loving someone completely about the other person? How does it have anything to do with how you feel about yourself?"

Now, I understand how wrong I was. Because you could think your significant other is a god among men. But if you don't feel good about yourself when you're with him or her, it's never going to work out.

If you're in a relationship, and you constantly feel like you're pretending to be someone else, then, please, end it right now. In my last relationship, I was not myself at all. I would have panic attacks at least once a week, when before, I would only get them, at the most, once every six months. I had a very short temper when, before, it was almost impossible to get me mad. I doubted everything, especially myself, when I was with him. And the two most used words in my vocabulary at that time were, "I'm sorry."

For people who know me, you know that this is not the person I am. At least not when I'm single.

It doesn't mean that it's the other person's fault that you feel this way about yourself. And it's not your fault either. No, you're not crazy. No, this isn't who you really are. It just means this person isn't "the one."

For the first time, I realize that, when I do find "the one," I will feel confident. I will be proud of the person I am, and I will know that I am exactly who I'm supposed to be.

I know it won't be perfect. When I do find true love, there will be days where I feel down. There will be days when I will cry. And on those days, I'll know it's okay to let it out. I won't be ashamed of my tears. I won't try to hide it. Because I'll know that's just another part of who I am, and that it's okay.

Never again will I ever settle for anything less.

And you shouldn't either.

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  1. You're right, no one should ever just settle for anything less than that. Easier said than done though.