Meant to Live: 2026

Does anyone have a moment from their adolescence – either big or small – that they just can’t get over.

There are a few moments that still, 20+ years later, I can’t get over. Like my first dance in sixth grade, where a boy asked me to be his date as a joke. And at the following snowball dance, when I was the last to be picked.

Fast forward to high school, when it was a common occurrence for a boy to like one of my friends. And when he was either outright denied or they broke up, he would immediately go after another friend – and on and on down the line of our friend group.

This happened not once, not twice, but MULTIPLE times.

Then, with my first-ever boyfriend, I found out he called one of our friends to say he loved her and would rather be with her than me. She said, “No.” So, he stayed with me.

On to my early 20s. My friends and I would meet a guy at bar, and he’d ask to follow us on social media. Then he would proceed to message BOTH OF US, asking us to go out with him or sleep with him. Sometimes with the exact same words – just copied and pasted. (PSA: Don't do this, we will tell each other)

These instances screwed up my self-perception. They led to years of seeking external validation instead of finding it in myself. And honestly, most of the dumb mistakes I made in my 20s can probably be attributed to this – just wanting to feel seen and wanted.

It all stems from what I now realize was "Second Choice Syndrome."

That's probably why I always had a soft spot for the "other guy" in movies — like Lon in "The Notebook" or Jacob in "Twilight." While these movies are supposed to be romantic, they always left me feeling heartbroken for the "second choice" — the guy who was "good enough" until the protoganist's first choice came back.

For me, "Second Choice Syndrome" manifested in me being suspicious of anyone who ever showed any interest in me. It made me constantly paranoid about the other shoe dropping whenever anything good happened. And it turned me into someone who never said "No" or made waves because I was scared if I did, people wouldn't like me.

I’m not sure if this is an actual condition, or if I made it up. But suffering from low self-esteem – well, that is very real. And countless women and men struggle with it. Maybe it stems from a moment – or several moments – in your life when someone made you feel less than. And, no matter how long ago it happened, it shaped who you are today.

For me, even after getting married, I still see myself as the second, third, fourth or fifth choice. Whenever I look in the mirror, I still tell myself, “The only reason someone would be with you is because the one they really wanted said, ‘No.’”

I know there are many people who’ve had so much worse happen to them in these formative years than me. But no matter the trauma, it’s okay if you haven’t “gotten over it” yet. And it’s okay if you never really do.

When we’re in our formative years – on the journey of figuring out who we want to be – moments like these are like potholes leaving permanent marks on our still developing brains (I’m from Michigan, so I can make that analogy).

But I want you to remember this. Just because someone made you feel “less than,” that doesn’t mean it’s true. Even if you never truly get over it, that doesn’t mean you have to believe it (and I know, I need to practice what I preach). The way someone else treated you is a reflection of their character, not your worth or what you deserve.

You deserve to be the first choice. And if you’re not? Walk away. Don't let someone’s inability to see your value make you lose sight of it yourself.

Is ‘Second Choice Syndrome’ real? How early rejection shaped my self perception

Does anyone have a moment from their adolescence – either big or small – that they just can’t get over. There are a few moments that still,...

Have you ever stayed at a job that poorly affected your mental health because you didn't want to let people down?

Have you ever stayed in a relationship that brought out the worst in you because you didn't want to hurt the other person's feelings?

Have you ever made too many plans – running yourself ragged – just because you didn't want to tell anyone, "No?"

I can answer, "Yes," to all three. That's because I have a compulsive fear of letting anyone down.

But, this week, singer Colter Wall did something that inspired me.

I was supposed to go to his show at the Fox Theatre this weekend with my husband. And I was really excited about it. If you know me, you know I'm not a big country music fan, so it says a lot that I was excited about this concert, even buying my first pair of cowboy boots for the occasion.

Colter is one of the only current country artists I like, reminiscent of classic country, like Johnny Cash. But, on Wednesday morning, only three days before the show we'd been looking forward to since Christmas, I opened Instagram and my stomach sank.

Colter had posted: "I am mentally unwell. Despite this, I have pushed myself to continue with touring. As a result, my mental health has only further declined. After discussions with my team, we have decided to cancel the remaining shows and take an indefinite hiatus from live music."

Yes, I was disappointed, especially since my husband and I missed the last two concerts we were supposed to go to – one because I had just given birth (a pretty good excuse) and the other because the power went out at the stadium.

But then I realized how selfish I was being.

When I took a step back, Colter's actions actually put things into perspective for me. He said, "No," to all his remaining tour dates, effectively disappointing THOUSANDS of people – all so he could take care of his own mental health.

Yet, for me, I'm afraid of disappointing only one or two people. It made me realize my stakes are much smaller than his. If Colter can prioritize his mental health over thousands, then I can prioritize my mental health over disappointing a couple people. His actions gave me the permission I needed to let myself off the hook.

Afterall, fans will get over a cancelled show. And friends will get over you saying, "No," to a party. And a significant other will even get over you ending a relationship that isn't good for you. But it won't be as easy for you to get over the toll it takes on your mind and body when you constantly put your own needs last.

This is the only life we get, and you're the only one who can prioritize your wellbeing. No one else will do it for you. So, remind yourself that temporarily letting others down will always be worth your long-term health and happiness.

If Colter Wall can cancel a tour for his mental health, you can cancel your plans

Have you ever stayed at a job that poorly affected your mental health because you didn't want to let people down? Have you ever stayed ...

If I’m being honest, I’ve really been struggling with my mental health this month. Even the most minor inconveniences will leave me spiraling.

Monday morning, I spilled coffee all over my brand-new daily planner. And my reaction was to immediately think how worthless I am and how all I ever do is make mistakes.

All of this over a $10 planner. Probably an overreaction. Yet this is what my entire month has been like.

Anything from spelling a word wrong in an email to misplacing something in our house to having to cancel plans – I will immediately start thinking, “You’re going to get fired. Your husband is going to leave you. Your friends are annoyed with you. Everyone would be better off without you.”

To say it’s been exhausting would be an understatement.

And it made me think – why now? I didn’t feel like this last month. It’s as if the second the clock struck midnight on a new year, my mental health took a nosedive.

But that’s just it, isn’t it? There’s a reason why January is considered the most depressing month of the year and the “Monday of months.” It’s a real phenomenon, and it doesn’t just affect me.

The thing is, though, I wasn’t expecting it to hit me this hard – especially on the heels of the best holiday I’ve had in a long time. I’ve never really been much of a Christmas-girl after my uncle, who was born on Christmas Day, died when I was a kid – and my grandma shortly after – taking our big family Christmas/birthday party with them.

The magic of Christmas seemed to die along with them. But this year, seeing Christmas through my 1-year-old son’s eyes, it was the first time the magic of Christmas felt like it returned for me.

But, with how good Christmas felt, January smacked me in the face that much harder with the worst winter depression I’ve had in a long time.

Maybe it’s because of how happy I was, though, that I crashed so hard when I returned to the daily grind. It doesn’t help that this January is also the coldest it’s been in Michigan since the Polar Vortex of 2019.

When it’s painfully cold outside, we retreat indoors, move our bodies less, and isolate ourselves from friends because leaving the house feels like more work than it’s worth. On Monday, for instance, I hadn’t left the house at all since Friday – not even opening the front door. So, it makes sense that, when Monday rolled around, I was running on empty and couldn’t even handle spilled coffee.

This self-imposed isolation can exacerbate the symptoms of Seasonal Affective Disorder, which already peaks in January as it is. The lack of sunlight decreases serotonin (a mood-regulating neurotransmitter) and increases melatonin (a hormone associated with sleepiness), triggering symptoms like sadness, fatigue, and lethargy. Prolonged, isolated time indoors can also cause feelings of being "trapped" or losing interest in activities.

And these feelings only hit harder when they follow a “high.” According to Psychology Today, this is called the Contrast Effect – which not only comes from comparing your life to others, but also from comparing your life now to what it used to be. It’s not just that January is bad; it’s that December was finally good again, so the drop-off felt like emotional whiplash.

So, what can you do about it?

Leave the house

For me, after spending Monday intermittently working and crying on my breaks, I told my husband I HAD to get out of the house when 5 p.m. rolled around. So, we decided to have a little date night (with our 1-year-old third wheel, of course) at a nearby Irish pub. And, getting dressed, putting on make-up, and going out – I felt like a whole new person.

It’s essential, even if it’s just walking to the mailbox, to leave the house for a little bit every day. If it’s too cold outside, you can also go to the gym, and, if you work from home, maybe work from a coffee shop or library instead to change up your scenery.

Lower your expectations

People say “New Year, New Me” as if you’re supposed to hit the ground running in January, achieving all the goals you’ve set. But, if I’m being honest, maybe the only goal you should have for the month is surviving! January is messy – and it’s okay if you are too! Show yourself some grace.

Get some sunlight

If you are at home, make sure you’re sitting by a window to get some sunlight. And, if you can’t do that, you can also buy the “fake” stuff. Light therapy boxes can be an effective way to treat Seasonal Affective Disorder. With light therapy, you sit in front of a special light box, which mimics natural outdoor light, the first hour of waking each day. The light box should provide an exposure of 10,000 lux and emit as little UV light as possible.

Find the magic again

Just because the holidays are over, that doesn’t mean you have to live a magic-less existence. Find some ways to put the magic back into your everyday life.

Maybe it’s keeping fairy lights strung around your window, instead of taking all the Christmas lights down. Maybe it’s taking on a project to paint a white wall a bright color. Maybe it’s planning a getaway so you have something to look forward to. Maybe it’s turning on some happy music and taking a dance break in the kitchen. Or maybe it’s calling a friend you haven’t seen in a while and asking to catch up. There are a lot of ways to turn your stuck-indoors winter into something better and brighter.

Practice positive self-talk

It’s important that you stop being so unkind to yourself. I’ve definitely been having that problem myself, so I know it’s easier said than done. When I’m feeling depressed, the words, “You’re worthless” and “Nobody actually cares about you,” will pop into my head as if they are coming from someone else, and I have no control over them.

But you need to fight back against these thoughts. The trick that helps me is asking, "Would I say this to my best friend? Would I say this to my son?" If my friend spilled coffee on her planner, I wouldn’t tell her she’s worthless. I’d tell her it’s just paper. If you wouldn’t say it to someone you love, don't say it to yourself. You deserve the same kindness you give to everyone else.

Remind yourself that this feeling won’t last

You’re not going to feel this way forever, and it helps to remind yourself that this is only temporary. It is called Seasonal Affective Disorder for a reason. Seasons change, and the days are already starting to get longer. The temperatures will rise, the snow will melt, and your mental fog will lift.

And, as January comes to a close, I’m wishing a better February for all of you! Hang in there; the sun is coming back!

As for me, I’m going to keep using my coffee-stained planner. It’s a little messy now, and it’s definitely not perfect anymore, but it still does the job – just like me.

Why this January may be hitting you harder than usual

If I’m being honest, I’ve really been struggling with my mental health this month. Even the most minor inconveniences will leave me spiralin...

On New Year’s Day, I hosted a “Stranger Things” finale watch party with a couple friends. My husband even made a special dessert – pineapple upside down cake – for the occasion.

The ending was actually pretty happy, with no blood bath like I was expecting. But, still, after everyone left and went home, I started sobbing.

When my husband saw me with tears streaked down my face, he asked, “What’s wrong?! What happened?!” Between sobs, I answered, “I…don’t…know!!” But, honestly, even though it may seem stupid, I realize now that I was crying because one of my favorite TV shows was over.

I know I’m not alone in this, which is comforting. Scrolling through social media, I’ve seen plenty of similar sentiments, such as fans posting videos of themselves crying to songs featured in the finale, like “Purple Rain” and “Landslide.” Others coped by thinking the finale was a fake-out, and that they’d have one more episode – a “real” finale coming out on Jan. 7. I was hoping right there along with you but, of course, now we know it didn’t happen.

I remember feeling similarly when shows like “Supernatural” and “Schitt’s Creek” ended. And I think it’s because, no matter how you felt about the finale, you got attached to the characters. So, emotionally, it doesn’t just feel like the end of a series. It feels like you lost a friend.

According to findings from the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, bonding with story characters can help relieve attachment insecurity. Characters can provide a safe, predictable source of connection and offer a relatable escape from real-world stressors. It’s a one-way relationship where you never have to worry about awkward silences or judgment.

I also think this finale hit fans even harder because it marked the end of the holidays. We’re in the most depressing month of the year dealing with post-holiday letdown, bills, and/or seasonal affective disorder. We’re going back to work and getting back to the daily grind without anything else to look forward to. So, we’re collectively fixating on this.

So, what can you do now? How can you cope?

Let yourself grieve.

I think one of the reasons I felt so sad about the end of “Stranger Things” was because it also marked the end of an era in my own life. Nine years is a long time, and a lot happened to me in those years.

I met my now-husband the year the first season of “Stranger Things” came out. And, in that time, I moved three times, got engaged, got married, and had a baby.

For others, they literally grew up beside these characters and actors. Of course, it can feel sad when something has marked that much time in your life and now it’s over. Let yourself grieve and know this feeling is normal. It’s not stupid.

Put down your phone.

Stop with the endless doom scrolling. It’s not helping! For me, I admittedly went down the rabbit hole – spending hours researching theories about why “Stranger Things” wasn’t actually over – which only made me feel like I was going more crazy!

If you’re mourning the end of a TV show, it can be helpful to find like minded people on Instagram who are mourning alongside you. But it can also make you feel worse – like stalking an ex’s social media after a breakup.

Sometimes you just need to get your mind off it and do something else! Take a deep breath, leave your phone in another room, and take some time for yourself – maybe taking a warm bath, reading a book, exercising, or just eating dinner and actually focusing on the meal without scrolling at the same time.

Reflect on the ‘good times.’

If there really was a “secret episode” and the finale wasn’t real, then all bets would have been off. Chances are one of your favorite characters would have died. But for me, despite the flaws, I am content that, for the most part, all our characters got their happy endings in season 5.

As a former nerd growing up with the trifecta – braces, glasses AND acne – this show healed part of my inner child. It showed me that being a nerd is okay – even cool.

If any of the core friend group did die, it would have hit differently. So, I am thankful to this show for being a love letter to all the outcasts out there.

That’s something to appreciate. And, while you may feel like you lost your friends, the good thing about streaming services is that you can go back and visit them whenever you want.

Find something else to look forward to.

Maybe it’s planning a little getaway. For my husband and I, we’re planning a trip to Florida next month to escape the cold weather and visit my snowbird in-laws.

Or it could be something as simple as finding something else to watch. For ideas of movies and TV shows to check out now that “Stranger Things” is over, including HBO’s “Welcome to Derry,” Netflix’s “Fear Street,” and Amazon Prime’s “Paper Girls,” read this roundup by ScreenCrush.

Focus on your underlying mental health.

It’s cold, wet and dark outside. Could that be one of the reasons why you’re feeling depressed – not just because “Stranger Things” is over? Take a step back and evaluate your own mental health.

You could have seasonal affective disorder – a type of depression linked to seasonal changes.

Common symptoms of SAD include low mood, fatigue, increased sleep/appetite (especially for carbs), loss of interest, difficulty concentrating, and feelings of hopelessness. Treatments involve light therapy, psychotherapy (CBT), antidepressants, and lifestyle changes like increased light exposure and exercise.

If you’re struggling with your mental health, talk to your primary care physician, who can treat behavioral health conditions or refer you to a psychiatrist or therapist for additional help. You can also visit Psychology Today and click "Find a therapist" to find someone located within your zip code.

Why do we feel depressed after the end of a favorite series, like ‘Stranger Things’

On New Year’s Day, I hosted a “Stranger Things” finale watch party with a couple friends. My husband even made a special dessert – pineapp...