Does anyone have a moment from their adolescence – either big or small – that they just can’t get over.
There are a few moments that still, 20+ years later, I can’t get over. Like my first dance in sixth grade, where a boy asked me to be his date as a joke. And at the following snowball dance, when I was the last to be picked.
Fast forward to high school, when it was a common occurrence for a boy to like one of my friends. And when he was either outright denied or they broke up, he would immediately go after another friend – and on and on down the line of our friend group.
This happened not once, not twice, but MULTIPLE times.
Then, with my first-ever boyfriend, I found out he called one of our friends to say he loved her and would rather be with her than me. She said, “No.” So, he stayed with me.
These instances screwed up my self-perception. They led to years of seeking external validation instead of finding it in myself. And honestly, most of the dumb mistakes I made in my 20s can probably be attributed to this – just wanting to feel seen and wanted.
It all stems from what I now realize was "Second Choice Syndrome."
I’m not sure if this is an actual condition, or if I made it up. But suffering from low self-esteem – well, that is very real. And countless women and men struggle with it. Maybe it stems from a moment – or several moments – in your life when someone made you feel less than. And, no matter how long ago it happened, it shaped who you are today.
When we’re in our formative years – on the journey of figuring out who we want to be – moments like these are like potholes leaving permanent marks on our still developing brains (I’m from Michigan, so I can make that analogy).
But I want you to remember this. Just because someone made you feel “less than,” that doesn’t mean it’s true. Even if you never truly get over it, that doesn’t mean you have to believe it (and I know, I need to practice what I preach). The way someone else treated you is a reflection of their character, not your worth or what you deserve.
You deserve to be the first choice. And if you’re not? Walk away. Don't let someone’s inability to see your value make you lose sight of it yourself.
Does anyone have a moment from their adolescence – either big or small – that they just can’t get over. There are a few moments that still,...
