Meant to Live

Fox 2 "Glee"

Last night, the Fox 2 television show “Glee” had a serious episode about suicide awareness when the character David Kurtofsky attempted suicide by hanging himself in his bedroom closet.

Kurtofsky was previously known on the show for being a homophobe and bully. But, it turns out his extreme bullying of gay students was a cover for being gay himself.

In last week’s episode, Kurtofsky proclaims his love for another male student — not knowing a fellow football player is eavesdropping in on the conversation. The football player tells everyone in Kurtofsky’s school, spray painted the word “fag” in red on his gym locker, and his classmates filled his Facebook page with gay slurs for the boy who hadn’t come out yet. And, as soon as he got home from school that night, he looked at his Facebook page, started crying, dressed in a suit, stood on a chair…and well you know what happens next.

And me, being me, literally screamed "NO!" at the television as this happened...like it was really was happening at that moment and Kurtofsky could hear me. But the sad thing is — this wasn’t just a television show. This is something that happens everyday to teens labeled as “different” who are personally attacked either on social media, behind their backs or in person. I know because at work, I have had several parents confront me about bullying in schools or read others news sources about it happening. And in many of these situations, these kids weren’t so lucky to be found before it was too late.

My favorite quote of the episode was, “Promise me that no matter how hopeless or alone you feel, you'll try your best to imagine all the amazing experiences you have ahead of you."

That’s what I encourage all of you to do today — think of at least one thing you have to look forward to. For Kurtofsky, the character Kurt painted him a picture of his life in 10 years — working as a sports agent with a handsome partner and a three-year-old son.

In the episode, picturing that was the first time Kurtofsky smiled.

One thing that I hope happens within the next 10 years is that there stops being so much discrimination towards those who are different than us. That is one thing I look forward to — that others see love is love and people are people, no matter what race, gender or sexual orientation.

For more information about the Trevor Project, the leading national organization providing crisis intervention and suicide prevention services to lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender and questioning youth, visit thetrevorproject.org.

Imagine all the amazing experiences you have ahead of you

Fox 2 "Glee" Last night, the Fox 2 television show “Glee” had a serious episode about suicide awareness when the character...

It takes a real man to talk about his problems

Photo credit mengetdepression.com Another Lake Orion teen attempted to take his life this week. In the past four years, the total of live...

Last weekend, a reporter’s niece admitted to him that 15 years ago, she tried to take her life on two occasions, both times being rushed to the hospital after her parents found her on the floor.

And he asked me, “Why do you think people are so ashamed to talk about it?”

After all, it took his own family member 15 years to tell him.

I told him I think people are so ashamed because others treat depression like a weakness, instead of a disease like it really is.

I will always remember what Dave Opalewski, suicide prevention professor at Central Michigan University, said during a seminar at Oxford Middle School: “Depression is a medical condition; it's not a character flaw … it's okay to ask for help. You're not a bother. You're a prize possession. You're a gift to this community.”

I think this is something those facing depression need to remember — and it’s especially important for people to remember who wrongly judge those experiencing depression as “weak.”

According to the U.S. National Library of Medicine, the exact cause of depression is unknown. Many researches believe it is caused by chemical changes in the brain, which may be inherited or triggered by certain stressful events. Most likely, it’s a combination of both. True clinical depression is a mood disorder in which feelings of sadness, loss, anger or frustration interfere with everyday life for weeks or longer.

My question isn’t the same as my co-worker's: “Why are people ashamed?” Instead, my question is: “Why are people so cruel?” Why do people make fun of others, calling them derogatory names? When people call those with a mental illness “retard,” “crazy,” “emo,” “loony,” “stupid,” “wimpy,” etc. my skin crawls. They don’t understand just how serious it is — and how calling them names does not help at all.

Maybe this is why, according to statistics, 75 percent of people with depression don't seek treatment. According to suicidal.com, “How family members, society as a whole, and how we ourselves perceive and react to depression can literally paralyze any efforts a person might make toward getting help.”

This website was made by someone who, herself, had considered suicide. She wrote that someone actually said to her, “Oh, boo, hoo, she's gonna go kill herself ! What a manipulator ! She uses that to get whatever she wants.”

Hmm...why anyone would be ashamed to talk about depression after being treated like that??

She wrote, “The biochemistry of depression makes you feel and believe that this depression is your fault, that you will never get better and that you must die. The depression itself is causing the very shame that prevents you from reaching for help … Depression is truly an innocent, shameless, blameless physical disorder that makes you believe that something is wrong with YOU instead of your biochemistry. It is not a mystery anymore. It isn't your fault and you have a physical disorder, imbalance or deficiency. The more you know and learn about your own biochemistry, the more often you will be able to see yourself and your illness as separate from yourself a split second at a time.”

People with cancer, diabetes, etc. are not treated this way because the disease is physical. Just a CT Scan can prove its exisence. But depression is the same as cancer — they are both something a person cannot control, they are both something that can be treated and they are both a disease.

Throughout the years, America has fought for gay rights, women’s rights, African American civil rights, etc. Now I think the time has come for us to fight for the rights of those diagnosed with a mental disorder to be treated equally because right now, they are not, which only makes suicide that much more likely.

Why the shame?

Last weekend, a reporter’s niece admitted to him that 15 years ago, she tried to take her life on two occasions, both times being rushe...

Oxford Middle School student Shane Hrischuk's favorite color was orange for his favorite football team, the Texas Longhorns.

And last week, his friends went to his grave site to place orange carnations in his memory.

Shane, 14, lost his life to suicide on Wednesday, Jan. 25 from a gunshot wound to his head. And the past two weeks of writing about him for The Oakland Press and talking to his family and friends, even though I never met him, I saw a person so loved by those he knew and someone so missed by his entire community.

According to statistics, 63 teenagers die from suicide in the United States every day, and suicide is a common thought in 62 percent of U.S. adolescents. But Shane isn't just a statistic. He is a person — a teenager with blue eyes, a big smile and braces who played basketball, ran track this year and loved to play football in his neighbor's backyard.

On Thursday, I received a call from one of his best friends Paige Barrett. I talked to her for about half an hour, and she told me all about her last memories of Shane and their inside jokes. I think she just wanted someone to talk to. And listening to her, I got tears in my eyes —something I try not to do when I'm at work. But I couldn't help it.

I wish I could have met him.

Here is some of what Paige shared with me about Shane in an email before calling me:

I was a very good and close friend to Shane! He wasn't just like a brother to me, he was my other half! My life isn't the same without him, and there isn't a minute that I haven't spent crying because I just can't keep myself together!!! Shane was soo loved and sixth hour, just before the day he had shot himself, we were talking in class because he sat next to me and I knew something wasn't right! For the past few days he had been sitting silent with his head down, not smiling, not talking. And, with as close to him as I was, I knew something wasn't right! Everyday when I walked into class, I looked forward to seeing his face, and I got so excited when I saw his beautiful smile!!! No matter my mood, he ALWAYS did anything to make me happy again! He was loving, caring, generous, happy and always put others before himself! He was my best friend and I've never been as close to anyone as I was to Shane! Wednesday the 24th he had gotten to sixth hour late. He sat down and dropped his head in silence! I looked at him and said, "What's wrong Shane, something isn't right, this isn't you, something is wrong, what is it?!?" I knew he wasn't acting like himself because everyday he walked into class with a smile on his face, laughing and usually sharing a joke! I can't stop hearing is laugh and remembering his face when he looked over and turned to me when he was smiling during 6th hour because we had just made a new inside joke, this was the day before he committed suicide!

In memory of 14-year-old Shane Hrischuk

Oxford Middle School student Shane Hrischuk's favorite color was orange for his favorite football team, the Texas Longhorns. And last w...

I must plea with gym teachers — please never set up teams by having kids pick for themselves.

You know what I'm talking about — when a gym teacher selects two captains, and kids in the class stand in a line on the other side of them. Then one "captain" picks a student, the other “captain” picks another student and so on.

In gym class in middle school, 99 percent of the time, even when my so-called friends were doing the picking, I was last or second to last to be picked. And it was the worst feeling in the world. I can remember exactly how it felt standing in that line, like we were cows to be slaughter or products on a shelf instead of human beings. I remember exactly the feeling when my hands started sweating as I prayed to God that maybe this time I wouldn’t be last, seeing the captain sigh as he or she was forced to pick me.

I have never understood why gym teachers do this. To me, it just sets kids up to feel bad about themselves, giving other students a platform to begin bullying (for me, I got wood chips thrown at my head on the playground).

It’s not like being picked for prom queen or president of the student council. I’m not going so far to say all of this should be eliminated from schools. In those instances, one person is selected out of hundreds. But could you imagine a school having a contest “Least likely to be voted prom queen.” No, that would be cruel. But in gym class, being picked last felt just like I won that contest.

To feel like you’re being ranked by what number you’re picked in the class, down to the very last person, seems inhumane to me. It not only made me feel like I had no athletic ability in sports, but that, among everyone in class, I was the least liked as well.

So, please, I beg of gym class teachers, as the girl who was picked last, don’t do this to your students. Even when the popular kids groan (the kids who know they’re first for the picking) have the kids count off numbers for teams or randomly pick kids for teams yourself. I wish I never would have known I was picked last. It’s one of those moments (or several moments for me) that sticks in your head forever.

A plea to gym teachers

I must plea with gym teachers — please never set up teams by having kids pick for themselves. You know what I'm talking about — w...

I refuse to sugarcoat

When my uncle lost his life to suicide, no one sugarcoated his death to me. I was 13, yet I was told all the details of it. I was only told ...

You can personally help end the suicide epedemic

Julie Brenner, Executive Director for North Oakland Community Coalition, sent me this email after I attended Lake Orion's suicide preven...

Yesterday I saw the movie "Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close," staring Tom Hanks, Sandra Bullock and, most notably, newcomer Thomas Horn.

The movie is based on the novel by Jonathan S. Foer. The movie is about how a nine-year-old boy with symptoms of Aspergers disease copes with the loss of his father in the 9/11 World Trade Center attacks. What ensues is a yearlong bought of depression (who wouldn’t after that) where he pinches himself so hard he has purple marks up and down his rib cage, he listens over and over again to the six voicemails his father left as he was trapped in the World Trade Center and he won’t speak to his mother.

When Oskar (the main character’s) dad was alive, he would lead him on quests that would force him to interact with others. Even after death, Thomas Schell, played by Tom Hanks, helps Oskar overcoming his social anxiety. While looking through his father’s closet, he accidentally knocks down a blue vase, which comes crashing to the floor. Among the shards of porcelain, he finds a small envelope with the word “Black” on it and a key inside.

After finding that key, Oskar has one purpose. Find what the key unlocks. He believes that, once he finds what the key unlocks, he will be closer to his deceased dad. So, he looks through the city census and finds everyone with the last name “Black” in the state of New York.

And he begins visiting them. Knocking on their doors and asking if they know Thomas Schell.

He finds that everyone he meets has a story, a past filled with grief. Everyone he meets is desperately in need of someone to talk to, even a nine-year-old boy they had just met. And in turn, Oskar learns that he too needs someone to talk about his grief. When he finally shares what he’s going through, that’s when he can finally let go of it and be happy.

Without someone to talk to, we would all go crazy.

As people, we are meant to live in a community. We are meant to be around people, not to be isolated, and we are meant to talk about our problems. We all have bottled up grief, and we’re all just searching for someone to talk to about it.

We all have a story. That is why I decided to become a reporter. I knew that everyone walking along the street has a story just waiting to be told. This world may seem like a cruel place, I know. But if you open up to someone, that person may just surprise you and listen. And just having someone to listen…well, that makes a world of a difference.