Meant to Live

Coping with the After-Christmas crash

During the month of December, at least for many people, so much time is spent shopping for loved ones and spending every extra penny. And ...

I was shocked to hear on Friday that the nurse involved in the Kate Middleton radio hoax was found dead in a likely suicide.

2DayFM radio DJs Mel Greig and Michael Christian pretended they were Queen Elizabeth II and Prince Charles to get information about the Duchess of Cambridge’s hospital stay. The nurse accepted the call and transferred the call to a fellow nurse, who gave the DJs confidential information about the health of Middleton. The nurse who first accepted the call was found dead three days later.

Embarrassment is a strong emotion. And sometimes, while in that embarrassing situation, it’s hard to look forward and see a time when your ordeal is not a talked about topic. For this nurse, Jacintha Saldanha, she was publically embarrassed. And not just embarrassed locally – but around the world. Maybe she was scared of repercussions – scared she would get fired for transferring the call or scared the hospital would lose the royal family’s business.

Many people have taken a stand against the radio show, which was recently taken off the air indefinitely. And many strangers are now supporting this woman. If only she would have known that people didn’t blame her for what happened. Maybe then the outcome would have been different.

Whenever you hear about someone being in an embarrassing situation – maybe a secret relationship getting out, a fall in economic status, a mistake made, personal photos leaked or being ridiculed for no reason – make sure to be there for them. Let them know that everyone makes mistakes and you don’t think any differently of them because of it. Show them that this will blow over and, soon, everyone will have new gossip to talk about.

I also want to caution people – don’t put so much blame on the radio hosts. Don’t send them nasty emails.

It’s not rare for radio hosts to do prank calls. I hear local radio hosts do it all the time. But, most of the time, pranks don’t take such a wrong turn.

This situation is exactly why I have never liked pranks – publically humiliating someone for sport. But there’s no way these two radio hosts could have known this would be the outcome. In interviews following the nurse’s death, the hosts said they had no idea their call would even go through. This same thing could have happened to any radio host. But it didn’t. It happened to these hosts who are now facing public hatred.

The tables are turned and the two radio hosts are the ones receiving the public humiliation. And I, for one, hope they don’t go down the same path as this nurse – wanting to escape the embarrassment. Because no matter what happened, they don’t deserve that.

Nurse in Kate Middleton hoax found dead from likely suicide

I was shocked to hear on Friday that the nurse involved in the Kate Middleton radio hoax was found dead in a likely suicide. 2DayFM r...

I saw the most scarring photos I have ever seen in my life Monday, making it hard for me to fall asleep that night as the images kept replaying themselves in my head.

Trust me, it wasn't very smart on my part. I Google searched "suicide attempt" in hopes to get information and graphics for my blog post Monday. But I guess these images made it past the safety controls of the newsroom computer.

The photos I saw were definitely not photos of "attempts," but were instead photos of completed suicides. And, although I didn't take the time to examine these photos, I'm sure the pictures were of real people.

The photos I saw were of people with the entire side of their face blown in, their jaw missing and blood everywhere.

Being a journalist, every day we hear about people who have died. Hearing about these stories every day, it's easy to desensitize yourself. But seeing these images on Google gave me a high-dose of reality to what ACTUALLY happens.

Suicide is not a peaceful way to go. It's gruesome. And, when your body is found, this will be people's last memory of you.

I think this is important for people to know. If I was considering suicide, I can tell you right now, these pictures definitely would have made me reconsider.

In an interview with Lake Orion Police Chief Jerry Narsh, he talked to me about the "ugly side of suicide." I couldn't even imagine what Narsh goes through -- seeing images like this in person when I felt like I was going to throw up after just seeing an image.

Narsh said some manners of death leave a very messy scene that will permanently scar every member of the family, those who see the scene or can imagine the scene.

“That puts an image in everyone’s mind. Instead of (remembering) you at a happy time, forever now they see this image as well,” Narsh said.

“In addition, muscle activity ceases when brain activity ceases. Therefore anything in the bowels or bladder are coming out … And what happens if you’re only partially successful? There are people who end up on life-support or paralyzed or in some other form of trauma. What if, in the attempt, you now become a quadriplegic or severely handicapped?”

Narsh asks teenagers if what they thought was important at 8 years old is still important to them today. In the same way, problems as a teenager will no longer seem as big when they are adults. He tells them, “There is a 25-year-old you who will forever be changed, destroyed or altered by a poor decision made by a 15-year-old you. That 25- or 35-year-old you can be forever robbed by the 15-year-old you. Let life happen and life will reward you.”

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When you hear about a young adult losing his or her life to suicide, what is the first thought that pops into your head about this person?

Chances are this image you created in your head wouldn’t be of teenage boy with a 4.3 grade point average who was voted high school homecoming king and was captain of his soccer team.

But, last week, that is exactly what happened to Michael Camilleri, a senior at Walled Lake Western High School. With only 17 years of life under his belt, Michael was found dead on Monday, Nov. 12, and the Oakland County Medical Examiner’s Office ruled his death a suicide.

Why would a young man, in the process of choosing between the University of Michigan and Stanford for college, take his life?

You would think someone with such a promising future would not have this urge to end his life so abruptly.

You would be wrong.

This is a stereotype people hold about suicide — that depression is somehow tangible and caused by an event, such as bullying or abuse. I’m not saying that these things don’t help bring depression about.

Depression is a sickness, like cancer, that some people are susceptible to. Some people never show symptoms until something horrible in their life happens to make it come out. Others have a seemingly “perfect” life, yet they can’t help but feel depressed.

Depression does not hold a stereotype. It does not only affect one kind of person, but could affect anyone. It is not something a person chooses or something that can be explained.

Imagine the feeling when you’re sad – a pressure behind your eyeballs, a constant feeling that you’re going to cry, maybe a pressure in your chest, a tightening of your throat or feeling like you're going to throw up.

For many people with depression, they get these physical effects of sadness – yet they have nothing that caused this feeling. Can you imagine how frustrating that would be? It’s one thing to say you’re crying because a relationship ended or you had a bad day. It’s another entirely to be asked, “Why are you crying?” and to literally have no idea.

Common Ground Suicide Prevention Specialist Amelia Lehto said, “Depression is one of the more recognizable and common mental health issues people face today. It does not discriminate based on age, race, sex or religious affiliation and it’s often an incredibly isolating mental health issue that people face because of the stigma that surrounds it today.”

If someone is telling you they are experiencing depression or another mental illness, never ever think, “Well he/she is popular and has friends. It can’t possibly be depression.”

Instead, believe them. And get help.

Each person who loses a life to suicide is one too many. Think how much of a life Michael Camilleri had left to live — maybe to go to college, to get married, have a family, who knows, even become a famous soccer player. But now we’ll never know. And those who he left behind will always have an empty place in their hearts for him.

Walled Lake Western baseball coach Mike Larges said, “Honestly, he was exactly what you want in a kid.”

“His passing affected a lot more than just the students. … I wish I knew and could have been there. It’s eating me up as much as the kids.”

If you suffer from depression, do not be afraid to tell someone. You do not need to battle this alone.

Read original story by Dave Phillips Walled Lake Western students mourn loss of Homecoming King

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A father walked into his bathroom to find his teenage daughter with her wrists cut, laying in the bathtub and waiting to die.

Thankfully he found her in enough time, and she survived.

When her father asked why she did it, she told her father it was because of his porn addiction and the way he blatantly looked at other women.

"If Mom isn't good enough for you, then how will I ever find a man who thinks I'm good enough?" she asked.

This is a true story. This girl is friends with one of the pastors at a church I go to.

If you think porn, strip clubs and, well, just treating people like objects is a victimless crime, you are wrong.

I was at a friend's house in college and porn was on the television. And I saw the way women with plastic surgery were pushed by men who just laid back and did nothing. The women, who looked more like Barbie dolls than actual women, did whatever the man asked.

Do you think people who are watching porn actually think of the woman as a human being? Probably not.

Now imagine the girl is someone's daughter. Think about the high number of porn stars who have lost their lives to suicide, died from a sexually transmitted disease or suffer from drug abuse.

Porn Star Legend Hyapatia Lee says, "I've lost so many friends in this industry to suicide."

Now imagine, while you are sitting there in a computer chair, that your significant other is standing in the doorway, thinking, "I guess I'm not good enough if he needs to watch a stranger." Now, imagine that, without being able to help it, you start comparing other women's bodies to the women you see in these adult films?

Doesn't seem too innocent now, does it?

If this is what people think sex should be like, no wonder nearly one in five women report they have been sexually assaulted in their lifetime. And no wonder so many relationships end in disasters. After all, women already have enough so-called images they feel they need to live up to. And then add in competing with a porn star her boyfriend or husband feels the need to have a relationship in his mind with?

I read this passage from the book Warrior Chicks by Holly Wagner, which I think highlights the effects of pornography and treating women like objects:

“My friend Harmony…was just three when she was exposed to pornography. When she was five, she was molested by two women. When she was seven, she was molested by an older boy. When she was eight, her drug-addict mother was almost killed by a man who broke into their home and beat her with brass knuckles. When she was 13, her mother’s boyfriend began pursuing her sexually. She started running away from home. The boyfriend moved out and her mom followed him, leaving her alone with her 8-year-old brother for three months. When she was 14, she was raped by her ex-boyfriend. More than once. In fact, so many times that she stopped fighting him. As a result of the attacks, she was kicked out of school for having sex on campus. The school staff made an announcement over the PA system, telling everyone why she had been kicked out. The rumor around school was that she was having an orgy and filming a porno movie in the auditorium. Her reputation had been formed and followed her all the way to college.

When she was 16, her boyfriend was shot in the head. She tried to cut her wrists. When she was 19, some guy at college told her that she should become a stripper to solve her financial problems. She didn’t want to. She made an appointment with one of her psychology professors to seek advice. She looked up to him and hoped he would tell her not to do it. He said, ‘You might as well do it. It’s not like you have to add it to your resume.’

So she began stripping. While still going to school, she worked as an assistant teacher by day and a stripper by night. She finally ended up quitting her day job. Her psychology professor came to the club and had one of his friends ask her to do a table dance for him. She was finally convinced that all men were sick and perverted.

Her boyfriend got another girl pregnant. The pregnant girl moved in with them.

When she was 20, she started sleeping with women. One of her girlfriends moved in with her, her boyfriend and the boyfriend’s other girlfriend!

When she was 21, she met a girl in ballet class and developed a friendship. This girl invited her to church. She went. She encountered a love that took her breath away, and she pursued a relationship with God. She began to understand her worth and value. She went to recovery classes and Bible studies.

She quit stripping.

When she was 23, she graduated with a B.A. in psychology.

When she was 26, she married a man who adored her, who treated her with love and dignity.

When she was 27, she started a master’s degree program. And she started a group called Treasures out of Darkness. The group of girls from our church goes into strip clubs, taking gifts to the dancers and demonstrating the love of God. Many of the dancers, upon encountering Harmony and the girls of the Treasures, begin the journey toward understanding their value. Many have left the club life.

Harmony was a victim of so much pain that it breaks my heart.

She survived. Now she is an overcomer. In the very arena in which the enemy tried to destroy her, she is now leading others to freedom. I love that.

Victim. Survivor. Overcomer. Who you were. Who you are. Who you are destined to be.”