Stop chasing after people who don't care about you

There's a concept throughout my (almost) 28 years of life that's been one of the hardest for me to grasp — that, even if I don't do anything wrong, some people just won't like me. Or some people may pretend to like me when, in reality, they really don't (which is, honestly, probably even worse).

Last week, I blogged about actress Kristen Bell, who said, "I shatter a little bit when I think people don't like me. ... It really hurts my feelings when I'm not liked."

That's exactly how I feel when people walk out of my life, don't respond to my text messages, talk bad about me behind my back (or to my face), use me for their own gain, or consistently cancel plans with me. But one thing I need to remind myself and should probably tattoo on my hand so I never forget -- STOP CHASING THESE PEOPLE!

There is an important lesson I've learned (although I don't listen to it much) — people make time in their lives for the things they care about. If someone isn't making time for you, NEWS FLASH, they don't care. But, through most of my life, instead of listening to the signs that someone doesn't like or care about me, I do the opposite of what you're supposed to do. I try even harder to get that person to like me.

Every one of you has probably, at one point or another, met someone who you cared about who didn't care much about you. And it may make you think that there's something wrong with you. I just want you to know that this is not true. The truth is, in this life, you will not make everyone happy. It just isn't possible. Not everyone will like you, and you will not be everyone's friends. And that does not mean that you are doing anything wrong.

So, everyone, raise your right hand and make this vow with me:

 "I, (insert name here), will stop making time for people who don't make time for me. I will have enough self respect to stop chasing after people who don't care about me. If someone does not respond to my texts or phone calls, I will not try to contact him or her again until he or she contacts me first. If someone is always too busy for me, I will stop trying to make plans. I will realize that, if someone makes me feel bad about myself, then he or she doesn't deserve to be in my life. And  I will stop wasting my energy trying to make someone like me or change myself so others will accept me. Instead, I will appreciate those who already accept me just as I am."

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  1. I agree with you to stop chasing after people who don't care about you. What does one do if the people you are chasing is one's family? No matter how little or often one does with chasing them it just seems the family doesn't care. It's almost as if the family is just surviving and not interested in living and creating memories.

  2. Um, yeah... And when NO ONE cares about you? No matter how many MeetUps you join? Clubs you go to? Personal investment you do? When all your family is dead & you NEED companionship? There's a reason chronic loneliness is becoming pandemic and is a major trigger of depression and suicidal ideation.

  3. Facts: It's a cruel world. People are shallow. The older and "uglier" you get the more you realize this! I read somewhere that people are overly critical/judgemental but they fail to look at their own faults most of the time! Read Jay Whistler's answer here on Quora! Explains it perfectly well! Especially his last paragraph!

    ...Oh and one more thing, I'd actually rather PRETEND that people liked me. I don't think that would be worse!


  4. Thank you so much for this post and for the final affirmation. I am glad I am not the only one struggling with this. It is really hard, but it is worth it. I deserve the very best and I deserve people who care me and appreciate me.