To gain self confidence, stop listening to the voice in your head that says "You can't"
Okay, that sounded creepier than I meant it to. But it's true. Everyone has that voice in their head -- the voice that is more critical than the rest of the world is. The voice that can see a pimple that no one else notices. The voice telling them, "You can't do it." The voice that focuses on the one criticism -- not matter how many compliments you receive.
The voice is more prominent for other people and quieter for others. Let's just say that voice in my head is pretty loud. It's even louder when I look in the mirror in fluorescent lighting.
This is something I've had a problem with for most of my life. A counselor once told me that this is something everyone she has ever met has had a problem with -- that voice in their heads that tells them they can't. Let me tell you, hearing that was a relief.
It's strange to think that even those who we may be envious of, who we may think is the most beautiful person in the world, has this same voice in their head.
Sometimes even more so. I mean, can you even count how many celebrities have overdosed on drugs? People who the outside world seemingly thought were perfect?
Obviously, their lives weren't so perfect. Yet, here I am, dreaming of being more beautiful and well, just better in general. But when we are envious of others lives, we don't know what they are going through. We don't know if they feel just as bad about themselves as we do. How can we wish for the qualities of another person's life when we know nothing about what they are going through?
I read this quote once by Regina Brett, “If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back."
This is a true statement -- but when we get reprimanded, or even fired, at work, can't even find a job in the first place, can't afford our bills, get broken up with or get a divorce, or just look in the mirror and think, "Wow, I look ugly," it's easier said then done to think, "There are a lot of people worse off than I am."
But the counselor said something that really hit home for me. She said, "Would you ever say those things you think about yourself to a friend?" I responded, "No." And she said, "If a friend ever said those words you say to yourself, you would stop being their friend, right?" I responded, "Yes." She then asked me why, if I wouldn't want to be around someone who treated me that way, why would I treat myself that way?
I never thought of it that way. I've heard all my life, "Treat others the way you would want to be treated." To tell you the truth, if I treated other people the way I treated myself, people really wouldn't want to be around me. So, for those who are kind to the rest of the world but forget to be kind to yourself, instead, try to live by this saying, "Treat yourself the way you would treat others." And I am slowly trying to do this. I try to think to myself, "If my friend was going through the same problems as I was, what would I say to him or her?" And the words I would say to comfort a friend are never, ever the words I say to myself.
For some advice on how to feel better about yourself, here are a couple useful sites.
- 10 Ways to Instantly Build Self Confidence
- How to Build Self Confidence: 6 Essential and Timeless Tips