Is depression a turn-on for some people?

A couple months ago, I went to a comedy show featuring actress Rachel Bloom, star of the CW show "Crazy Ex-Girlfriend," and one of the songs she sang was "I'm in a Sexy French Depression."

Some of the lyrics are: "My eyes are dark from sadness, my lips are red from pain, my bosom heaves with sobs. I'm in a sexy French depression. I walk, oh, so slowly. I can only breathe and sigh, oh! My bed smells like a tampon. I'm in a sexy French depression."

The song was a parody about people who, for some reason, think women who are depressed are sexy. Bloom told Vulture about her inspiration for the song: “I’ve always had a fascination with how much we fetishize someone like Marilyn Monroe, who basically committed suicide, was a depressed person, but she was so beautiful and sad. ... In general, we fetishize women being sad, and it’s something I’ve been fascinated with for a long time.”

A few weeks after I went to that comedy show, depression hit me right between the eyes, and that's when I experienced first hand what that song was making fun of.

I'm not going to go into too much detail about this but, let's just say someone I knew for a while started vigorously hitting on me for the first time almost immediately after I confided in him about my depression.

Sure, maybe it was a coincidence. And maybe it wasn't. But, even so, it got me thinking about this song and wondering:

Is depression really a turn-on for some people? 

Am I more irresistible when I'm depressed? (Ha!) 

Maybe it's a "Damsel in Distress" kind of thing. I'm not quite sure. So I decided to do my research to find out.

The results of a study at the University of Texas at Austin showed that a majority of the men who were part of the study viewed women with some sort of psychological vulnerability as more attractive than average —but were also only interested in short-term involvement with them.

When a writer at Vice asked psychologist and therapist Eliana Barbosa why certain men would behave like this, she said it varies case by case. Some are men who are sadistic and enjoy seeing others in pain. Some are "emulating the cultural aspects of misogyny by dominating these women through their low self-esteem to assert themselves." Still others oogle depressed women because they think they'll be easier to get into bed.

"Depression sometimes can make you destitute of your own desires, so girls who are struggling can end up submitting themselves to another, in order to feel some type of desire. It's not a conscious decision that these girls, or boys, who end up in manipulative relationships are making. These types of men take advantage of something that is lacking in these people's lives," said Barbosa.

Depression shouldn't be a reason someone likes you or doesn't like you. Depression isn't who you are. It's not part of your personality. It's an illness. That would be like someone saying, "I like you because you have asthma" or "I don't like you because you have asthma," "I like you because you have cancer" or "I don't like you because you have cancer." Either way is pretty screwed up, if you ask me. If anyone ever likes or doesn't like you because of your illness — run!

An illness doesn't determine the kind of person you are, and it shouldn't ever be a deciding factor of how someone feels about you. Be with someone who wants to help you get better and wants to see you thrive and not someone who wants to use your depression against you. Be with someone who wants you despite your depression and not because of it.

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