I cried when the character Rich died in the HBO show “Welcome to Derry.” And I cried when Eddie died in the movie “It Chapter Two.” And I know plenty of people saying they’ll be “traumatized” if their fan-favorite Steve dies in the “Stranger Things” finale.
But do we think as much about the real-life people behind the characters? Do we cry for them?
Earlier this month, actor James Ransone – who played Eddie in “It” – lost his life to suicide at age 46. He left behind his wife, 6-year-old son and 4-year-old daughter. This breaks my heart more than any fictional death could. Because the character Eddie Kaspbrak isn't real. But James was.
In the horror community, we often use fear and humor to cope. With James making us laugh as Eddie or being charming in interviews, you may have assumed he was okay. But just because someone seems happy on the outside, that doesn't mean they’re not hurting on the inside.
Andy Muschietti, the director behind the “It” franchise, has commented on how many characters in the Stephen King universe struggle with anxiety and how they “cope with it by being funny.” That’s how people remember James too. His friend Camille Garmendia, who organized a GoFundMe to support his family, described him as “funny, magnetic, brilliant, and endlessly alive.”
But, behind it all, James struggled with his fair share of real-life monsters. He shared that he was sexually abused by his former tutor as a child, which led to an alcohol and heroin addiction in his 20s and multiple suicide attempts, according to Fox News.
In an Instagram post, he wrote, “I saw myself as a worthless hunk of flesh not worth saving, or defending. I saw myself as broken, that what you did to me I somehow deserved … that somehow this was my fault."
Of course, he didn’t deserve it. No victim of abuse ever does. And it's devastating to know that James spent most of his life carrying around misplaced guilt that should have, instead, belonged to his abuser.
Masking trauma like this with humor is a common coping mechanism. While I don’t know what it was like for James, for many, the use of humor is a way to keep people at a comfortable distance — laughing with us instead of worrying about us. For me, I crack jokes to avoid feeling like a burden to anyone. I want to be the “fun friend” and the “friend people enjoy being around” so people don’t leave me.
But, while finding lightness in dark times can help you adapt to life's challenges, it can also get exhausting to put on a happy face all the time. That’s why it’s important to find a safe space where you don’t need to perform — whether that’s a therapist’s office, a support group, or a trusted friend. It means giving yourself permission to grieve the pain instead of just joking about it.
So, make sure to check in on your funny friends. Don’t just think, “Oh, they look happy, so they must be.” You never know what they’re dealing with behind closed doors. While they’re busy making other people laugh, sometimes what they really need is someone to ask, “How are you doing?”
And if you are the one struggling with past trauma or depression, please know it’s not your fault, and you are not alone. More than 80% of women and 40% of men report experiencing some form of sexual harassment and/or assault in their lifetime, according to the National Sexual Violence Resource Center.
If you are a survivor of violence, disaster or another traumatic experience, click here for resources from the NSVRC. For Michigan residents, click here for support groups across the state. And, if you or someone you know is considering suicide, please don’t hesitate – call or text the 988 Suicide and Crisis Lifeline.
I cried when the character Rich died in the HBO show “Welcome to Derry.” And I cried when Eddie died in the movie “It Chapter Two.” And I ...
