No matter how hard life may seem right now, remember it's only temporary
I spent my Sunday night on the couch eating a nutritious dinner of cookie dough and cheese cubes. But I have no shame because I am going to indulge myself right before having to return to work after going through the week from hell last week. (fingers crossed for a better upcoming week)
I know I've been pretty bad writing on here lately. But, sometimes, it's hard to blog about anxiety when you're in the throes of some of the worst anxiety you've ever had. As my boyfriend was telling me this week, on an airplane, you’re instructed to put on your own oxygen mask before helping anyone else. So, lately, I've been trying to work on putting on my own oxygen mask.
But the thing is, one of the ways that always helps me feel better is to write. So, even though I'm still feeling pretty darn anxious, I'm going to sit here with a glass of Pinot Grigio, start typing and see what comes out. So, bear with me.
There are moments in your life that feel like the end of the world. For me, this week was one of those weeks. And there were times when giving up actually seemed easier than to keep on going.
And, for some reason, it got me thinking about this stupid middle school fight I had when my parents got me tickets to an out-of-town O-town concert because, yeah, at the time I was probably the biggest 12-year-old fangirl in the world.
I invited one of my best friends to come with me, but her parents wouldn't let her go. So because she couldn't go, she decided to start rumors about me at school the next day. And I was devastated. I was losing one of my closest friends. And I started to hate myself. I started to believe all the things she was saying about me.
Stupid things like that happen in middle school. And it's no one's fault because we're still prepubescent girls with brains that are not yet fully developed.
You would think that things like this would, hopefully, never happen as an adult. But, as an adult, things like this still happen. People will gossip and talk bad about you behind your back. You will lose friends. And you will have things happen that make you feel worthless. And, even as a 30-year-old woman, things like this can still feel like the end of the world.
2018 has actually been one of the crappiest years I've ever had. A year with weeks of deep depression. Times when I would come home from work and just start bawling as soon as I walked through my apartment door. There were nights when I couldn't sleep and also days where I would just stay in bed and sleep through the afternoon.
But then I thought about that stupid boy band fight. And, just like that didn't last, no matter how hard of a time I'm going through or any of you are going through, know that it's only temporary.
A bump in the road doesn't mean your life is over. It just means your life needs to be repaved (sorry for the corny analogy). It's a sign that you need a change.
Your future isn't non-existent. Stop thinking that! Instead, think about how, at this moment, when you're at rock bottom, your future is actually the widest. You have nothing to lose so why not take a risk. Why not start working towards the future you want. Stop letting others' opinions of you determine how you feel about yourself. Because you are amazing and no matter how bad things may seem right now, it won't always be like this. So keep living. Eat cookie dough and cheese for dinner if you want to. And know that it will get better and this, right now, will soon just be a blip on the radar of your life.
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