Meant to Live

Love yourself for who you are

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Do you ever feel like you're so worried about making others happy that you fail to take care of yourself?

For me, this describes my life. I'm not saying that helping others is a bad thing. I think it's something the world could use more of. But for some of us (like me), we try so hard to make everyone else happy that we, in turn, lose a part of ourselves. That's because it's impossible to make everybody happy, and trying to make everybody happy is a never-ending and exhausting cycle.

Sometimes, what we think is "helping" is actually "harmful." For me, "No" is a very difficult word to say. Many times I do things I don't want to do because I don't want to hurt someone's feelings. The more I think about it, the more I can see that, instead, I pretend to be someone different than who I really am in order to not offend anyone. And, the more I think about it, the more I realize that this is not a good thing.

Most of the time, it's other people's problems that fill my head and not my own. And then, all of the sudden, I have a breakdown because all of my own problems come crashing down on me all at once because I never took the time to deal with them. How could I deal with it when I was so busy trying to help someone else feel better instead?

I have found that helping can be an addiction. And although I'm not a doctor, after reading the symptoms, I am convinced that I could diagnose myself with this disorder. And a "helping addiction" (or codependency) can be serious. It's the compulsive need to be needed. I have interviewed several parents who have lost their children to suicide and there is one common thread for many of them -- the children helped everyone else…and forgot to help themselves.

Some of the signs you have a "helping addiction":
1. You feel that you need to repeatedly pick up the pieces for someone who calls you when they are in an emergency.
2. The people you are attempting to help become increasingly demanding of your help.
3. You feel guilty when you're not the person who helps someone.

It is good to be there for other people, but the best thing you can do for someone is helping them be able to help themselves. And, if the people in your life really do care about you, they will give you the space to be able to help yourself. (And, yes, I know, I have to take my own advice)

When helping others becomes an addiction

Do you ever feel like you're so worried about making others happy that you fail to take care of yourself? For me, this describes my ...

Photo credit northernstar.info

I remember a couple years ago, one of my close friends posted pictures online of her self-inflicted cuts.

I lived in a different state than her, and when I tried to talk to her about it, she wouldn't listen to me. And so I found her college friends on Facebook and told them what was going on. And they told her mother.

I can tell you right now that, at the time, she wasn't very happy with me. And we didn't talk for a while after that. But do I regret it? Definitely not.

I share this story because today is self-injury awareness day. To Write Love On Her Arms, a nonprofit dedicated to helping those struggling with depression, said many people self-injure by means of cutting, burning, picking or interfering with wound healing and bruising or breaking bones, among other things.

I think people don't realize how common self injury is. To Write Love on Her Arms estimates that 4 percent of the population struggles with self-injury. Mental Health America estimates that “about two million people in the U.S. injure themselves in some way.” I personally know nine people who have injured themselves either by cutting, burning with a curling iron, hitting themselves or poking themselves with needles. And that's just friends who have told me about it. I have no idea if there are people in my life who have dealt with this who hid it.

I know some people's first reaction when they hear about self-injury is "Ew!" or "Why would someone do that to themselves? Are they crazy!" The sad truth is people hurt themselves because the pain of breaking through flesh actually hurts less than what's going on inside. People who have struggled with self-injury have told me that when they hurt themselves, it either a) gives a physical representation of their pain or b) makes them forget about the much stronger pain inside of them. And that makes me so sad to think that they are hurting so badly inside that cutting or burning themselves actually feels better. Don't close your eyes to this very real problem affecting millions of people.

If you see the signs of self-injury on someone you love — no, they're not trying to get attention. That's a stereotype that's just not true. Even if they don't realize it at the time, they are screaming inside for someone to help, for someone to take notice.

One woman I know said that some tactics she used to stop cutting herself was to scribble red onto a piece of paper whenever she felt the urge to cut, pinch herself instead of cutting or paint her nails red (by the time her nails dried, she said the urge to injure herself had passed). And, slowly but surely, the times she cut herself got less and less until she stopped altogether.

I want to emphasize how dangerous self-injury is. I know a man who died after cutting his arms. His family who found his body could see that he had tried to stop the bleeding...but it didn't work. If you know someone who is injuring themselves, do not keep it to yourself or turn a blind eye. Talk to them or tell someone else (someone who you can trust not to judge them). Having someone just to talk to about it does wonders for someone who feels completely alone.

Self-injury awareness day

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Do you believe in superstitions?

My friend gave me an evil eye bracelet yesterday. In many cultures, primarily in the Middle East, it is believed that when someone gives you the "evil eye" or an envious stare, this could cause bad luck, disease or even death. The charm or bead, usually a deep blue in color and resembles an eye, is supposed to bend the evil gaze back to the person who is giving it. It is supposed to keep you safe from harm. And, to tell you the truth, wearing it today makes me feel kind of invincible.

And this made me think -- do superstitions hurt or help you? For me, I personally am a fan of the good luck superstitions, such as finding a penny heads up, wishing on a shooting star or making a silent wish at 11:11 p.m. The bad superstitions are the ones I don't listen to. After all, I was born on Friday the 13th -- so if I believed in the bad superstitions, what would that say about me?

More than half of Americans have admitted to being a little superstitious, according to a Gallup poll. But is this "magical" thinking hurting or helping you?

WebMD says that obsessive compulsive disorder can mimic superstitious behavior. For example, with the Super Bowl coming up on Sunday, the line between sports rituals and OCD behavior is blurry. But if the behavior is effecting your everyday life, the answer could be that you've just gone past fun superstitious behavior to something more serious.

But there are benefits to superstitions.

Stuart Vyse, PhD, the author of Believing in Magic: The Psychology of Superstition, told WebMD, "Superstitions provide people with the sense that they've done one more thing to try to ensure the outcome they are looking for."

If carrying a lucky object makes you feel more confident, in control and secure, then this is a good thing (unless it's when you're gambling). It acts as a placebo affect — if you think something will help you, it may actually help you. If you are looking for something good to happen while carrying a rabbit's foot in your pocket, chances are you will see something good happen.

But if you experience feelings of tension, excessive worry, trouble sleeping, obsessive thoughts and exhaustion and the behavior, superstitious or not, is getting out-of-control, get help from a doctor or counselor .

For example, if can't go into a bathroom because you're terrified Bloody Mary will show up in the mirror, this isn't healthy and could be debilitating. And if I ever get to the point where my bracelet becomes more than a pretty piece of jewelry and, instead, I become so attached that I can't go to work if ever I misplace it — please call a psychiatrist for me.

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AP photo

I slept for nine hours last night.

It was amazing!

And trust me, as it probably is for most of us, this hardly ever happens. Last year my work schedule changed to start at 7 a.m. And it's been almost impossible to get to bed before 11 p.m. It seems like something always seems to happen right before I go to bed. And, of course, when I'm ready to go to bed, that's when my mind decides not to be able to shut up.

For instance on Monday, I was all ready to go to bed at 10 p.m. After I dried my hair, I came out into the living room to find my cat with a mouse in her mouth. When I came up to her, my cat freaked out and dropped the mouse, which scurried away. It took an hour for me to find the mouse, trap it in a Tupperware container and go outside to set the mouse free (hopefully it doesn't find its way back inside my apartment).

So, with my one night of good sleep, it inspired me to look up the correlation between depression and sleep. And it turns out the relationship between sleep and mental illness is complex. And that sleeping too little on a regular basis can be a bad sign.

Insomnia is very common among depressed patients. The Sleep Foundation reports that those with depression may suffer from a range of insomnia symptoms, including difficulty falling asleep (sleep onset insomnia), difficulty staying asleep (sleep maintenance insomnia), unrefreshing sleep and daytime sleepiness.

The Sleep Foundation also reports that Obstructive sleep apnea is linked to depression and that those who treat this disorder with continuous positive airway pressure (CPAP) will likely see improvements in their depression which are long lasting.

Treatment for sleep problems is an integral part of treating depression. Since my sleep problems aren't that severe, I take one Valerian Root pill before I go to sleep, which is sold in the vitamin aisle at any grocery store or drug store. With this natural herb, I don't wake up with that feeling after taking sleeping medicine — like my head was run over by a bus.

If you have both symptoms of depression and a sleep disorder, first talk to your physician. Sometimes treating your sleep disorder can be enough to alleviate your depression as well. There are a number of different medications that treat insomnia and your doctor can work with you to determine which ones fit you best.

Insomnia is linked to depression

AP photo I slept for nine hours last night. It was amazing! And trust me, as it probably is for most of us, this hardly ever happens...

Today has been branded as "Blue Monday," the most depressing day of 2013. And with temperatures in Metro Detroit feeling like they're 10 to 15 degrees below zero the next two days, this doesn't help.

Why is today known as Blue Monday and who made this determination? Cardiff University formulated that the third Monday in January each year is the most depressing day. Factors include weather, debt, time since Christmas, time since failing our new year's resolutions (which I can already tell by the decreased number of people at my gym compared to the first week of January), low motivation levels, and the need to take action.

For me, I feel like January is a pretty depressing month in general. And my body is showing these signs with the brittle and dry hair (I was literally screaming yesterday while trying to brush the knots out of my hair) and cracked hands.

To battle the blues, Channel 4 gives the top songs to listen to, the top movies to watch and the top books to read. For me, when I get home from work, I'm planning to pop in the movie "Bridesmaids," which is one of the movies on Channel 4's list, or maybe "When Harry Met Sally," and make a mug of hot chocolate with the little marshmellows on top. And a fellow employee here at work also helped us beat the blues by graciously bringing in a box full of donuts.

It is important to remember that the winter blues is different than clinical depression though (although I'm sure winter definitely does not help those already suffering from depression). Feeling a bit glum is completely different than depression, a disease which can be debilitating.

Cognitive therapist Dan Roberts writes in his Huffington Post blog:
"If you want to understand the cause of real depression, it's not a hefty credit card bill, but a triggering of negative beliefs about yourself, your experiences and the future (what Aaron Beck, the founder of cognitive therapy, called the "cognitive triad" of depression), often because of a major loss, such as bereavement, divorce or redundancy. Depression is a natural human response to overwhelming stress or upset, when these dormant negative beliefs get triggered and, unless you receive treatment, you may end up spiraling downwards."

'Blue Monday' — the most depressing day in 2013

Today has been branded as "Blue Monday," the most depressing day of 2013. And with temperatures in Metro Detroit feeling like th...

Love yourself for who you are

Eighth-grader loses life to suicide in Southgate; sometimes the signs aren't obvious

March is Developmental Disabilities Awareness month

When helping others becomes an addiction

Self-injury awareness day

Give someone a hug today

What is bipolar disorder? A review of the documentary 'Of Two Minds'

Unrequited love and depression

Are superstitions good or bad for your health?

Repressed anger can increase your risk for high blood pressure

Nonprofit 'Challenge Day' teaches students acceptance, not to bully

Insomnia is linked to depression

'Blue Monday' — the most depressing day in 2013

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