Meant to Live

I was 11 years old when Star Wars Episode 1: Phantom Menace came out. I didn't grow up a Star Wars kid, not seeing the original three films yet. But I remember, there was one reason I finally wanted to see a Star Wars movie — Jar Jar Binks.

I loved how awkward he was considering, as a pre-teen, I was the epitome of awkward (although, who are we kidding, that hasn't changed much). The character made me laugh, and his voice made me smile. So, I was disappointed when I found out that almost everyone hated the character who was my favorite. And actor Ahmed Best was more than disappointed with the public's reaction to his character. He was devastated.

Picture this - you get a role in Star Wars - freakin' Star Wars - your first ever role in a film! You're ecstatic! And then, after the film is released, nobody likes your character. Ahmed took the insults to heart, as if people weren't just making fun of Jar Jar but, instead, were making fun of him.

“I never thought it was a possibility to be in that movie. … I was a 24-year-old young actor, looking at my career and my future. (I thought), ‘Here we go. This is going to open the doors to so many different opportunities,’” Ahmed said in a video by SoulPancake.

“Then the movie came out. And there was just so much hate and venom and anger, directed at me. And I took it personally. … I put a lot of me into that work.”

Ahmed got online death threats, was told he ruined people's childhoods and was called "every racial stereotype you can imagine." Without an agent, Ahmed said he had no idea how to react or how to respond.

"I felt tired of having to defend myself and my work. … I just wanted to play a part,” he said.

One day, Ahmed went to the Brooklyn Bridge, stood at the edge and seriously considered jumping.

"A gust of wind came by, and it was really strong. It knocked me off balance. I caught myself, and that’s when I woke up. … Something in my consciousness said, ‘You have to make it to tomorrow.'"

And he continued to make it through every day that followed.

Life has gotten better for Ahmed, who is married, has a 10-year-old son and is set to be the host of Disney Plus' Star Wars game show later this year. A lot has happened that never would have if he chose to end his life. And now, at age 46, about 20 years after the darkest moment of his life, Ahmed has decided to open up on social media about his battle with depression.

"I never really thought anybody cared. ... But (then), people were calling me and talking about it, (giving) support that I never thought was there," he said.

"I'm glad I shared this moment because, the responses that I got back were from people who shared a similar moment who are all here now. We made it through the next day. I can get through 20 more years of next days."

Jar Jar Binks actor opens up about the toll public criticism played on his mental health

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I'm a paranoid person. It's something I try to hide, but it's true.

Paranoia is the constant feeling that people are watching you or acting against you, even though there's no proof it's actually happening.

I've always been insecure but this paranoia has developed over the last year or so. It started after a co-worker at my last job, who I thought was my friend, started gossiping about me to literally everyone we worked with. As you can imagine, for someone who already has anxiety disorder and, considering anxiety can cause paranoia, this experience messed me up pretty good.

Now, every time I hear co-workers whisper, I assume it's about me. Every time I go to the bathroom when I'm out with friends, I assume they're talking bad about me. Every time I meet a new person, I assume they think I'm annoying. Every time someone gets quiet when they're around me, I assume they're mad at me. And every time someone deletes me on social media, I assume I must have done something wrong.

It's an exhausting life, and it has made me the epitome of a people pleaser (even more so than I used to be, which I didn't think was possible). I'm the kind of girl who never says "No," and tries to always listen to other people instead of ever talking about myself.

And guess what? Even after burning myself out trying to get everyone to like me, there are still people who don't like me and never will. And, instead of thinking, "Psh their loss," I think, "What did I do? What's wrong with me?"

As 2020 kicks off, I know I can't handle being like this for another year. So, if you're like me, what can you do to stop being so paranoid?

First things first: Do you just have paranoid thoughts or do you have clinical paranoia?

While paranoid thoughts are much more common, clinical paranoia is a rare condition. Some symptoms of clinical paranoia include:

● You don’t actually think you’re paranoid.
● No amount of evidence will convince you otherwise.
● You can’t tell the difference between what’s real and what’s imagined.
● The paranoia isn't linked to anxiety.
● It isn’t situational, but instead has no obvious cause.
● It never seems to get better or go away.

If you think you may have clinical paranoia, if you know someone who you’re worried has it, or if your paranoid thoughts are affecting your everyday life, talk to a mental health professional NOW. I’m sorry but I can’t give you tips on how to get rid of it because it’s a mental illness. This isn’t something you can wish away or work on getting rid of by yourself. It’s a medical issue, and you need medical help to treat it.

Now, for paranoid thoughts spurred by anxiety (like mine), there are tips for stopping this paranoia from controlling you.

Tasha Rube, LMSW licensed master social worker, says, “Give yourself a designated worry time” where you evaluate your thoughts, try to minimize them and then move on.

Some other tips for helping limit paranoid thoughts, according to Rube and WebMD, are:

● Limit alcohol and marijuana use, as they can heighten paranoid thoughts.
● Support your entire mental well-being by eating healthy, exercising and getting enough sleep.
● When you find yourself thinking a paranoid thought, remind yourself, “This is highly unlikely to be true.”
● Think about the optimistic outcomes or reasons for a situation, rather than just the pessimistic. (i.e.: That girl didn’t delete me on social media because she hates me. She deleted me because we haven’t talked in five years.)
● Open up to someone close to you about your paranoid thoughts. (Or, if you're like me, open up about it on your blog or social media for everyone to see!)
● Stay busy and focus your energy on something more productive than being paranoid.

And, remember, even if someone doesn’t like you because of their subjective opinion of you, who cares? That doesn’t mean what they think is true.

“Remind yourself that it takes all kinds of people to make the world. Not everyone is going to be your best friend, but that also doesn't mean everyone wants to be your worst enemy,” says Rube.

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Kate Hardy, president, and Amelia Lehto, vice president, of nonprofit Six Feet Over

The Detroit-based nonprofit Six Feet Over is hosting its inaugural A State of Inspiration Fundraiser from 6 to 11 p.m. Friday, Dec. 6 at The Rust Belt Market, 22801 Woodward Avenue, Ferndale.

Proceeds will go towards assisting the survivors of suicide loss by providing financial assistance to cover the expenses of things like clean-up services, funerals and memorials. Funds will also go towards the outreach division of the organization, called Suck It Suicide, which helps prevent suicide, raise awareness and keep people “six feet over.”

Guests will have an opportunity to learn more about the work of Six Feet Over from the organization's board members, families who have received support from the nonprofit, and speakers, including founder and CEO Kate Hardy.

“This event aims to inspire guests to recognize the awesomeness of our state, our communities, its people and the novel approaches to suicide prevention and suicide loss support that Six Feet Over has offered for the past seven years for Michigan residents,” said Hardy.

During the first hour, guests are invited to visit the many small businesses housed within the market. Later, attendees will enjoy a performance by Killer Flamingos, recognized as “Best Local Band” by Hour Detroit and WDIV.

Admission to the event, which is sponsored by the design agency Critical Mass, includes a Michigan-themed strolling dinner, a beer and wine bar and reserved seating. There will also be a souvenir photo experience, a digital raffle and more. The dress code is cocktail attire.

Tickets for A State of Inspiration are $150, or $1,200 for a table of eight.

Since it began, Six Feet Over has given more than $75,000 to nearly 30 families in financial distress and emotional turmoil following the suicide of a loved one. This work began as a passion project for Hardy, who lost not only her mom but seven friends to suicide in the last 15 years.

“My mom never felt comfortable reaching out, like a lot more people are doing now. She didn’t have a support system around her. It’s no one’s fault; it’s just how things were. But if we can change that for the future, that’s what I want to focus on,” said Hardy.

To buy tickets for the event, visit bit.ly/stateofinspiration. For more information about Six Feet Over or to donate, visit sixftover.org.

Inaugural A State of Inspiration fundraiser to benefit survivors of suicide loss

Kate Hardy, president, and Amelia Lehto, vice president, of nonprofit Six Feet Over The Detroit-based nonprofit Six Feet Over is host...

I’ve thought about suicide. I don’t like to talk about it because I know it will freak people out. In fact, it went through my mind just this weekend.

This thought will come into my head, unannounced and uncontrollable – “Everyone would be better off without you. What’s even the point of you being here? Don’t you want to stop feeling like a disappointment? Don’t you want to stop hurting? Then just do it.”

My life is really good. Great actually. So much is going right for me. Sunday, I had an amazing night, yet, when I got home, I started sobbing and shaking and rocking back and forth. I thought to myself, “What if I emptied my bank account, sent the money to my parents and my boyfriend, and then swallowed all the pills I have in my apartment?”

Yup, that’s what I thought out of the blue. After a good night.

But, thankfully, I am also very well-versed about depression and suicide. I know it’s a mental illness. I know suicide isn’t something I really want. And I know, deep down, that people wouldn’t be better off without me.

I’ve done my research about this illness I suffer from. In the midst of a complete breakdown, my real, logical self, comes into my head, like music breaking through the static on the radio. I tell myself, “You’re not in your right mind. You don’t actually want to die. Once you do that, there’s no coming back. I know that’s not what you want. You don’t know what comes after this life, and you shouldn’t know yet because you’re not done living. Just go to sleep and you’ll feel better in the morning.”

And so that’s what I did. And when I woke up, that feeling was gone. It felt like it wasn't even me thinking those thoughts, and I didn't understand how I can even consider that.

Why am I telling you this?

Not to freak you out or make you worry or feel bad for me.

The reason is this: First of all, to show that those who do lose their lives to suicide aren’t in their right minds. They aren’t thinking about their futures. They aren’t thinking about the people who will miss them. They aren’t being selfish. Instead, often, they are making a split-second decision because they want the pain to stop.

I’m also telling this story because it’s important to talk about it. Being able to talk about it – that’s what’s saved me time and time again. Being able to reach out on social media and say, “I’m depressed,” and knowing that I have a support network who will be there for me – that’s what keeps me alive. That’s what breaks through the clouds of my brain, even on the darkest days.

So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, being human is hard, and we need each other.

We need to erase the stigma that comes with mental illness and suicide. We need to talk about how we’re feeling. We need to seek help when we need it. That’s how suicide can be prevented. That’s how we survive this life.

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A friend of mine recently told me that she's considered slitting her wrists. Not because she wanted to die, but because she knew, if she did it, then she would get the help she needed.

That's how bad the mental health care crisis is. There is such a shortage of mental health specialists that my friend thought this was the only way she could find help. It shouldn't be like that.

Danielle Catton, one of my favorite mental health awareness Instagrammers, wrote a post last week about how she's been trying to make an appointment with a psychiatrist. She was put on a list —to be seen, at the earliest, in May 2020. Seven freakin' months!

"The sad reality of this is that this is normal. It’s normal to have to wait almost a year (sometimes more!) just to get one single appointment where you are then supposed to try and unload your entire life’s story onto a psychiatrist and hope they can determine a proper diagnosis and treatment plan within an hour session," she wrote.

For me, I see a psychiatrist 84 miles away because he was the only person I could get an appointment with. My primary care doctor referred me to see someone at Henry Ford Hospital. Not a specific psychiatrist but any psychiatrist at any of the 10 Henry Ford Hospitals within a 25-mile radius. I called weekly for months but there were never any available appointments at any of the hospitals.

While there are only about 1,100 psychiatrists in Michigan, there are about 10,000 licensed professional counselors. And they can also give you a proper diagnosis for your mental illness. According to the American Counseling Association, while they cannot prescribe medications, "Professional counselors can diagnose and/or treat mental health disorders."

But the Michigan Department of Licensing and Regulator Affairs is trying to take the ability to diagnose out of counselors' scope of practice. The department has proposed an update to licensing rules that would move “diagnose and psychotherapy” from counselors’ job description to their educational training requirements. And if this change happens, it will make the gap in care for those with mental illnesses even wider.

Anyone who is able is encouraged to attend LARA's public hearing on these proposed rule changes at 9 a.m. tomorrow at the G. Mennen Williams Building Auditorium, 525 W. Ottawa Street, Lansing.

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I recently decided to change my tragus ear piercing for the first time. I spent more than an hour standing in the bathroom, staring at my ear in the mirror, unsuccessfully trying to screw in the stud.

I know, riveting stuff. You're probably thinking, "Okay, why do I care? What does this have to do with mental health?" Well, because this story ends with a pretty intense panic attack.

I gave up after two of the diamonds fell down the bathroom sink (they weren't real diamonds; if they were, my panic attack would have been more justified). I should have given up an hour before. But no, I was stubborn. I got this idea in my head, "I want to change my piercing. I want to change it now," and all of the sudden, I was obsessed with accomplishing this insubstantial task.

Within the hour time frame, I turned into an anxious mess. I was sweating and shaking and screaming at my reflection and punching the counter and having this cycle of degrading thoughts — "You're such an idiot. You can't do anything right. You're wasting your life away, and you're a waste of space. You should just crawl in a hole and die."

Yup. I know. All of this over an earring.

But that's how most of my panic attacks start — over some seemingly simple, everyday things. Some of my most common and most strange triggers include: Having to make a phone call, chipping my nail polish and going shopping.

Phone Anxiety

I wait until the last minute to make doctor's appointments — not because I'm afraid of the doctor but because I hate calling the doctor's office. Sometimes I ignore phone calls, not because I'm busy, but because I'm feeling anxious (FYI Mom, I never do this to you!) Sometimes, after missing a call, it takes me a while to call back because the stupid missed call caused me to have a mini-panic attack. And, sometimes, instead of returning a call, I send a text message instead.

But phone anxiety is actually pretty common, especially among my generation. In a Bank My Cell survey of 1,200 millennials, many of the respondents said they hate talking on the phone, are likely to decline calls they receive and would rather communicate via text message, WhatsApp, Facebook Messenger and Snapchat.

According to the survey report, "This particular phenomenon has a name (telephonophobia) and it’s essentially defined by a mental anxiety of interacting with others on the phone. ... When you break this down you can see why people opt to hide behind emails and messaging. 'Am I going to come across bad or say something wrong?'"

In fact, when asked, "Do you sometimes feel you have to summon up the courage to make a phone call," 81 percent of the survey participants answered, "Yes."

The report states, "Calls are presumptuous, time-consuming and often disruptive, however generation Y and Z should also take the time to appreciate the mental benefits of developing these core communication skills when necessary. ... (Avoiding phone calls) can lead to eroding the basic communication skills we need as humans, which can also lead to mental health issues later in life."

Shopping

I know that shopping is one of those stereotypical things that people think all women enjoy. But oh
god, I hate shopping.

For people with anxiety, shopping can go one of two ways. For some, retail therapy helps them cope. For others, like me, it has the opposite effect.

Amazon has been a godsend for me. But, still, I have to go to the grocery store. And for me, that's the worst of all. I hate trying to find things. I hate having to choose what to buy. I hate how crowded it is. And I hate the lines.

Many times, when I'm at the store, my anxiety manifests with my vision going blurry, my brain getting fuzzy and my hands sweating. It's a regular occurrence for me to walk down the same aisle three or four times, trying to find the f'ing ranch dressing, and miss it right in front of my face because my anxiety is so all consuming.

Dr. Paul Saks and Dr. Mitchell Saskin, clinical psychologists at Columbia University, shared some advice with the millennial media publication the Revelist. Some things they suggested for people battling shopping anxiety — make a list before you go shopping, shop with a friend, shop in a smaller environment and don't be afraid to ask for help.

Fixating

When I start fixating on things, you can be almost positive a panic attack will follow. Like with the stupid earring. Or with chipped nail polish, where I obsessively pick at it. Ugh. Even just writing about it makes my anxiety flare up!

According to Women's Health Magazine, fixation is actually one of the main indicators that you have anxiety disorder instead of just experiencing normal day-to-day worries.

"(It) begins with a thought or feeling that you become fixated upon, leading you down a rabbit hole of anxiety, sometimes coupled with legit physical symptoms, like a racing heart and profuse sweating," writes mental health advocate Caroline Shannon-Karasik.

Whelp, I am definitely a textbook case of that.

So, when you start spiraling into this rumination, how can you stop it?

Seth Meyers Psy.D. told Psychology Today that, first, you need to recognize and identify, in that moment, that you are fixating. Then, start asking yourself tangible questions, like "What temperature is it right now?" "What does the sky look like outside?" "What sounds do you hear" and "Are you hungry? If you could eat anything, what would it be?"

"Very quickly, I’m sure, you got the idea. The value of this exercise is to distract your mind from any upsetting thoughts and feelings you are stuck in and to redirect your thinking to specific questions by using your senses," wrote Meyers.

What are some of your triggers?

Let me know — for those who suffer from anxiety and panic attacks, what are some of your triggers? Sometimes, the most comforting thing to know is that, the things you may consider "strange" about yourself, the things that make you feel most alone, that it's not true. You're not alone, and others understand what you're going through.

Phone calls and grocery shopping: What are some of your weird anxiety attack triggers?

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Some people consider anxiety and depression "mainstream" or "socially acceptable." And this is great! It means we've made great strides. It means that people are receiving more support for their depression and anxiety disorders now than they have in previous decades.

But, by calling some mental illnesses "socially acceptable," that means there are many other mental illnesses that aren't supported by society. We still have a long way to go in raising awareness before the stigma attached to ALL mental health issues is erased.

So, I decided to write a series, “Not Mentally Mainstream,” to do my part to help normalize mental illnesses that are currently not as accepted or understood. But, with the knowledge I gained from writing this series, I realized there are so many more mental disorders I didn’t get a chance to talk about. I vow to expand my blog and talk more, on a regular basis, about the disorders that deserve a spotlight and more awareness than they are currently getting in the media.

Schizophrenia

Often in the media, I have seen people with severe mental illnesses, like schizophrenia, being misrepresented — portrayed as "crazy" or "dangerous." On the contrary, it's rare for someone diagnosed with schizophrenia to be violent, and the individual is more likely to be the victim of violence than the perpetrator. Read more.

Munchausen Syndrome by Proxy

Joey King, the actress who played Gypsy in 'The Act' on Hulu, wrote on her Instagram, "I hope our show encourages people to educate themselves about Munchausen by proxy and how serious of an illness it is." And, so, that's what I decided to do — educate myself. Are there ways to prevent it? Read more.

Comorbid Mental Illnesses

Having a mental illness sucks. But do you know what sucks more? Having more than one mental illness. And, when a person has multiple mental illnesses, they can be contradictory and counteractive. Sometimes, it's hard to tell where one starts and the other begins. So what do you do? Read more.

Borderline Personality Disorder

I had heard of Borderline Personality Disorder (BPD), but, when I sat down to think about it, I was disappointed in myself when I realized I didn’t know a thing about it. Not a single symptom. And, sadly, I’m not alone because BPD is a disorder that a lot of people don’t know anything about. Read more.